I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
