Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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