my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
