Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
