checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
