mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
