the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
A bitchslap is in order.
Text me some of your sweat
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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