Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
