i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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