So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
