how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize