I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I CAN MOONWALK!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
