Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
