I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
