walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
