he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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