$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
