Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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