I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
