just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
