the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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