I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
