He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
