Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
