I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
