I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize