My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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