fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
