Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize