vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
