I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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