just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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