I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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