we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You made out with two different species that night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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