And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
