Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
high people should be assigned attendants
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
