dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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