I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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