We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
