I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
