you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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