Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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