nut hugger
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
