before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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