You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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