Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
