Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
