Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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