He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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