it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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