well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I had to cum in my sink.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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