i was born a porn star she said
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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