he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
