Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
