Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
