I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
