I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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