I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I need to align my fucking chakras
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
