Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
