You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
