Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
