my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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