May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
