I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
