I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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