matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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