Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
bring money and cleavage
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
