The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
