Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i believe in u and ur pee
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
