I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize