We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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