Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
