Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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