I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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