Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and she was petting her beer can
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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