I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
