If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize