wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
