..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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