So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
