Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
