More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
