Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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