I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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