I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize