Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
