He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
