Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
