How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
