Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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