My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
