hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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