Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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