I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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