I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
