I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
