Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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