I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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