Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Betty ford says i'm here all night
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
