So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
