the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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