May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
