i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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