Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
