Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
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