I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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