dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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