I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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