So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
