I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That was an excessively violent trivia night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
