I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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