my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize