so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
