well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
