You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Randomize
