OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize