Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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