If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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