Princesses don't give blow jobs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
