they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
