Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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