D3 body, D1 cock
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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