Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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