Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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