Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So many bounce houses so little time
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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