i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize