you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
